How To Finally Overcome Negative Beliefs About Yourself

overcome negative beliefs

If you want to understand where your depression comes from, you have to overcome negative beliefs about yourself.

According to Mastin Kipp, depression stems from unresolved trauma.

Kipp is a very interesting person, and I have been listening to him because he has some clearly defined ideas about Depression.

In my Feel Better Fast program, I spend time talking with people about depression as it relates to ADHD. Specifically, how ADHD makes depression worse and vice versa.

We all have trauma. It’s pretty much impossible to get through life without any trauma at all.

While listening to Kipp on the Pursuit with Purpose Podcast by Melissa Griffin, he said that he had a pretty good childhood – but he still had trauma.

There were a series of events in my life that could probably be considered traumatic:

– My Father leaving

– Parent’s subsequent divorce

– Being forced to accept stepparents/siblings

– Shame for being the child in the middle of two families who basically hate each other

One of my earliest memories is lying on the floor with my dad. I’m not sure if we were watching television or reading.

He said something, and I said something, and the next thing you know my mother is throwing a plastic cup and toys at both of us. He did try to shield me from the flying objects.

What is interesting about this memory isn’t the memory itself, it is the fact that I still remember how I felt in that moment. My nervous system remembers it.

This memory, combined with countless others, created the basis of my core beliefs about myself.

There is no cure  for negative core beliefs, just like there is no cure for ADHD. But you have the power to overcome them and feel better.

How to finally overcome negative beliefs about yourself

 

1. Know the Facts about ADHD and Depression

If you look at Thomas Brown’s model of EFs, emotion is number four.

The ADHD community is just beginning to talk about the emotional aspects of ADHD, and poor emotional regulation is still not always considered at the time of diagnosis. But it is a huge deal.

  • When you have ADHD you are at an emotional disadvantage because of your EF’s
  • ADHD makes it difficult to access our logical thinking in the pre-frontal cortex
  • You are not alone, 55% of adults with ADHD will deal with depression at some point
  • You can sometimes combine SSRIs and SNRIs with ADHD medication, see your doctor

2. Explore your own schema

WTH is schema?

Behavioral psychologists believe that schema develop throughout our childhood and allow us to categorize and store memories and information.

Think of the brain like a file cabinet – as we grow our brain files away all of the memories, good, bad, and ugly. The various files are our schema.

Schema are how we develop a sense of where we fit into the world.

If you grew up with ADHD, and you experienced a lot of negative feedback, where do you fit into the world?

Ask yourself, “What are my most powerful memories?”  That is how you start to explore your own schema.

3. Look at the big 3

There are three major core beliefs that can negatively impact our self-perception.

The first is lovability.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • What past experiences and/or traumas left me feeling that I am not lovable?
  • Do I feel that I deserve love?
  • Have I ever felt loved?
  • How do I respond when someone shows me love?

The second is competency. Competency is your ability to get through life.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Could I get through life on my own?
  • What are my expectations of myself in terms of competency?
  • Am I independent in my thinking, or do I rely on the input of others?
  • Do I trust myself and believe in my competency?

The third is worthiness.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Do I deserve to take up space?
  • Am I confident claiming my physical space? Or do I shrink myself?
  • What makes a person worthy?
  • How can I choose worthy behaviors and thoughts?

4. Get some perspective

We all have gifts. ADHD sometimes makes it a little harder to use our gifts, but they are still there.

Perspective is important, which is why I wrote that whole post about self-awareness.

It is easy to get bogged down in self-criticism and negative self-talk. This way of thinking is normal and what makes you human.

They key is to remind yourself every now and then that part of being human is learning. Our brains are capable of creating new neural pathways, and it’s not as hard as it sounds.

This I know to be true: It is easier to add a new thought pattern, than to change an already ingrained thought script.

How do I give myself some perspective when I need it?

I create a new script and I practice it like a lunatic.

That’s it. I talk to myself. I meditate on it.

I repeat it over and over until I believe it.

This exercise has completely changed my life. Now I use it with my clients.

Download a small snippet of my process below to practice creating a new script for yourself.

There is no cure for negative core beliefs, just like there is no cure for ADHD. But you have the power to overcome them and feel better.

I love talking with women about life with ADHD. But even more, I love helping others feel better about themselves.

Sign up for the Feel Better Fast interest list! The program should be up and running by mid-August.

Much of this info comes from Alice Boyes, PhD

Her books are available on Amazon (Affiliate link. Please see my full disclosure)