Confessions of an ADHD Housewife

confessions of an adhd housewife

In the year 2012 there were 10.4 million (29%) stay-at-home mothers in the US. This represents a large increase in the number of women staying in the home. The number also represents the reversal of a trend that began three decades earlier.

According to Pew Research homemakers represented only 23% of mothers in 1999. That means over a 13 year period of time the number of stay-at-home mothers rose by 6%.

Confession of an ADHD housewife: I tried to be a stay-at-home mom. I failed miserably.

Homemaking is traditionally a woman’s role. I used to bristle at the term “housewife.” Growing up with a working mother, I had no understanding how much work a stay-at-home wife and mother really does.

Being a housewife is no joke. Most women have pretty high expectations for themselves. There is evidence of this on Pinterest – just search cleaning, parenting, or homemaking and see what comes up.

confessions of an adhd housewife

[bctt tweet=”Whether we work outside the home or exclusively in the home – we are all working. http://wp.me/p60iCk-vb” username=””]

Unfortunately, being an ADHD housewife makes it difficult to manage a home and motherhood in the manner to which I aspire.

Clutter covers every surface in my kitchen, and my clothes litter the floor of my bedroom. I take pride in my home. I WANT to be a domestic goddess, even if my hair is standing on end and the dust bunnies are larger than my dog.

As an ADHD Housewife I will never be June Cleaver – but I will always be the CEO of my house.

Confessions of an ADHD Housewife

 

I am the CEO of my House

Here is a concise description of what a CEO actually does. SOURCE

There is a reason I refer to myself as the CEO of my house. I am the one with the vision. The one who determines where my family is headed and how we are going to get there.

As CEO’s we determine the strategic plan for our homes. We make decisions about where the money goes, what everyone eats, and how to manage our employees families. Without us to clean up the messes and fill the cracks the whole place would crumble around us.

Can you imagine if men had to work, clean, feed everyone, decorate, organize, pay the bills, and then raise the children all on their own? No, you can’t, because we don’t expect them to. But we routinely expect this from ourselves.

[bctt tweet=”Every woman should be the CEO of her house. http://wp.me/p60iCk-vb” username=”HealthyADHD”]

A Housewife sets the tone

Ever heard the expression “if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”?

Poor spelling aside – this expression is completely true.

Whether you realize it or not you do have the power to set the tone in your home. When you are stressed or sad that negative energy is absorbed by your partner and your children. Having ADHD can make this even worse.

Practice self-care. I don’t recommend things just because they are trendy; self-care and mindfulness are important. Find alone time, get plenty of activity, and eat well.

Check out my post on Emotional Management. And my other post on Mindfulness.

A housewife accepts what is

Every marriage has its struggles, just as every parent-child relationship does. Life is not always a smooth ride and we get overwhelmed and irritable. Even the most qualified and experienced CEO has a bad day.

I have found that I feel much better when I accept what is. My dog is a nuisance barker and no matter how much I dislike it, she will always bark. My son is argumentative and impulsive and sometimes downright mean.

My dog is who she is and so is my son. I have Boundaries in my relationships that help me to manage.  But I don’t rail against reality anymore, I accept it.

No anger. No feeling sorry for yourself. Acceptance is freeing!

every woman should be the CEO of her house

A Housewife lives in reality

Living in denial is definitely not my thing. My house is a mess. Every day I look around and think, “I need to get control of my crap.”

And every day I am so exhausted with writing, parenting and my day job that it doesn’t get done. Here is a list of the things I want to be doing:

  • Organizing paper clutter

  • Throwing away junk/mail/assorted trash

  • Cleaning/organizing my child’s room

  • Cleaning out the closets

  • Folding/hanging clean laundry

  • Gathering dirty laundry

  • Shining my sink (see Flylady)

  • Wiping down my entire kitchen

  • Wiping down my entire bathroom

  • Vacuuming excess animal hair and dust bunnies

  • Cleaning my wood floors

  • Creating a more user-friendly office space

  • Framing and displaying my son’s artwork

  • Framing and displaying family photos

  • Redecorating my living room

  • Remodeling my kitchen

You see, I can easily articulate what I should be doing. Should is such a yucky word, don’t you agree?

My reality is imperfection. I’m ok with it. Perfectionism will always bite you in the butt.

A housewife knows how to laugh

Laughter really is the best medicine. Particularly when you find a cup of urine in your shower.

Yes, this happened to me. No, I didn’t scream at my son. I wanted to scream but as soon as I pictured the conversation in my mind I started laughing. Now I wish I would have taken a picture to put in his baby book.

You know kids are funny. Marriage is funny. People are funny. Thank God! What would we do if we couldn’t laugh.

Life with ADHD is what you make of it. I will be the first to tell you it is not a “gift”, but I can also tell you that it is a workable lifestyle. You will handle it.

A housewife does not compete

I love being a woman, but I do not love how we sometimes treat each other. There is a subtle but very damaging undercurrent of competition between many women. I have experienced it as a stay-at-home mom and as a working mom.

Comparing ourselves to others never turns out well. I have compared my post-baby body to other women, my car, my home…even my child’s behavior. As Teddy Roosevelt said, “comparison is the thief of joy.”

Don’t compete with other moms. Stay in your own lane. And do not feel guilty if your family is not eating all organic all the time.

confessions of an adhd housewife

Even on your worst day, you are the CEO of your house.

Next time, we will get down and dirty with the laundry.

With that said let me share some of my favorite websites for housewives. (ADHD or not.)

http://www.earlybirdmom.com/blog/

http://www.livingwellspendingless.com

http://moneysavingmom.com

http://www.aslobcomesclean.com

http://thatsinappropriate.com   (not homemaking but hysterical)

 

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  • Memacintyre

    “Can you imagine if men had to work, clean, feed everyone, decorate, organize, pay the bills, and then raise the children all on their own? No, you can’t, because we don’t expect them to. But we routinely expect this from ourselves.”

    Why? Why don’t we expect men to step up? Why aren’t boys raised to expect this? To expect that if they are one of the adults in a family, that they shouldn’t help with all of this? Why are women constantly rolling their eyes and saying “imagine if a man had to do this?”

  • Liz

    Hello!
    I appreciate your thoughts very much. I do expect my husband to step up, sometimes. Other times I want to do it myself. It’s weird – no matter how far we have come as a society, so many of us still expect this from ourselves.
    For me, I do sometimes get a sense of pride from the smell of a clean house, or all the laundry put away. I am constantly looking for ways to make it easier for myself as well.
    How are you able to get your “other half” to step up? If you have advice we would certainly love to hear it. We love discussing this sort of thing in our Facebook group too.
    Let me know.